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You and I

2011-05-25T21:47:28Z

I totally love "You and I", the new power ballad from Lady Gaga. And I realized that it distills qualities of music that I've been listening to for my whole life, and that she's created a huge tribute to so many of these artists. And that these are awesome karaoke songs. (Looking forward to adding this one to the repetoire)

I made a playlist of this on Mog, otherwise - um d/l off of iTunes?
Update, 6/2/11 - I dumped Mog for Rdio and it's so. much. better. here's the embed:

You and I - Lady Gaga

Dude, she got Brian May out of retirement to play on that track? Amazing. Every good power ballad builds to a crazy crescendo and this song has it in spades. And damn she's got a set of pipes.

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Alone - Heart

Funnily enough, this song came on in the pharmacy this afternoon. And I thought "this is the ultimate 80s power ballad." I love the tinkly piano entrance, it seems so meek, but then it builds into this wall of Ann Wilson's vocals. And even though the tempo is slow, it has this epic quality that never lets you get bored. Lady Gaga must have spent many hours in her childhood singing this to the mirror in her bathroom.

Always - Bon Jovi

The other band that immediately comes to mind when the phrase "power ballad" is uttered is Bon Jovi. These guys were tough ("Blaze of Glory") but had a cheesy soft side too ("Bed of Roses"), and you can't deny that they had the best hair. And maybe it's Jersey pride, but I still love listening to their songs. And doing karaoke.

Open Arms - Journey

All power ballads are held to the Steve Perry standard - can you hit those notes, with the intensity and feeling that he does? Listening to this song, I want to cry. And this quote from Steve Perry is just so awesome:

The line "wanting you near" -- I just wanted that line to go up and soar. I wanted it to be heartfelt. Every time it would come by I would just have to keep my head down and try to swallow the lump in my throat. I felt so proud of the song".

Lady Gaga feels that way about her music.

You And I - Queen

The obvious Queen choice would have been "We Will Rock You" (hello, sample!) but I think this one points to why I like Queen so much. Freddie Mercury's vocals shine on this track, and you get both the clean and layered versions of Brian May's signature guitar. It also has this happy go lucky tempo and this epically cheesy bridge where the entire band is the chorus (a la Bohemian Rhapsody). And Lady Gaga could not have ignored the fact that she named her song exactly the same thing.

Take Me to The Pilot - Elton John

Most of the time I don't know what the hell the lyrics are for Elton John's songs (except "Tiny Dancer", and I blame that on "Almost Famous"), but it so doesn't even matter. The aggressive piano intro is so striking, I feel like I could identify this song after only hearing three chords. I do wish I had been able to see Elton John in his "crazy 70s outfits" period, but alas I only got to see him on tour with Billy Joel. I do love the Grammies performance where Lady Gaga brought Elton John out onto the stage and did "Speechless/Your Song", and it's even more appropriate that she's Elton John's son's godmother.

Mein Herr - Liza Minnelli

This is not exactly a power ballad, but you can't ignore the influence of the American musical on Lady Gaga's work. Liza Minnelli was at Lady Gaga's concert the night we were! And of all the musicals, I think the dark, Weimar Republic atmosphere of Cabaret (plus Bob Fosse choreography) seems most apt.

New York State of Mind - Billy Joel

It's hard to mention Elton John without Billy Joel. Of course Lady Gaga is much closer in temperament to Elton John (wardrobe-wise and musically) but Billy Joel did have some sweet piano ballads - especially his ode to New York, which I think Lady Gaga would really appreciate.

A Fool for You - Ray Charles

All of these songs are rooted in the bluesy-gospel-y goodness of Ray Charles. 'nuff said.

Martha

2011-03-30T16:11:38Z

(I actually wrote this back in December but only now am publishing it.)

I am currently in the land of Martha. I don't really pay much attention to her when I'm in Brooklyn, but spending time in the 'burbs for the holidays made me realize that you can't escape. She's everywhere - on TV, magazines, the radio, the grocery stores, the mall. The past few days have been a barrage of decorating tips, makeovers, recipes, and craft ideas. And damn is it alluring. I totally got sucked into reading the past two issues of Martha Stewart Living from cover to cover, and thinking, wow, these are such great ideas! I should totally do that! Why haven't I thought about making little velvet Christmas trees? Why haven't I invited people over for a dignified brunch with poached eggs and croissants? Why don't I have a nicely painted pegboard of craft supplies? And I could make so many awesome labels!!! I couldn't get enough of it.

But after a couple of days Martha started bugging me. I couldn't figure out why at first, it was just this sense of uneasiness that I couldn't pin down. As the parade of decorating experts came through on her radio show, I realized that I disliked the way it made me feel. It gave me this sense of inadequacy - if only I was a crafting wizard and expert chef and the perfect hostess could I be happy. Because it's all about impressing other people. She's tapped into this desire that women have to be seen as the perfect homemaker - beautiful, classy, practical, ingenious. Even I can't escape from feeling like I want that when I flip through her magazine - who wouldn't drool over those shots of her home and all of the beautiful things she has and makes?

My militant feminist side starts screaming, "What the hell?!! Didn't women's lib happen already? How could you even get sucked into this crap?!! You're already beating your own drum, why feel like you need to even care about this?" But it's still there, no matter how hard you fight it. Martha's just a manifestation of what our culture values. How else could someone go to jail for like two years and get back on TV like nothing happened? If anything she's tightened her hold on her empire. If you wanted to, you could live in a Martha fantasyland 24-7. And that's what makes me feel uneasy more than anything else.

I could see how easily I could get totally submerged in yearning after a proscribed Martha Stewart life. If only I had xyz it would make me happy. If only I had a bigger house to hold my Martha crafts and to cook my Martha recipes and to throw my Martha parties. Instead, I'm going to resist dropping one of the five million subscription postcards that fell out of the magazine into the mail and look forward to returning to my non-crafty home in Brooklyn.

Firefly

2010-09-14T23:49:11Z

So why hadn't anyone told me to watch Firefly earlier? Ever since I finished watching Lost (can we just pretend like that series finale never happened?), there was a big hole in my life. OK, maybe that's overstating it, but I was totally caught up in the characters. So along comes Firefly in my Netflix queue and I start watching it. And I couldn't stop.

Captain Malcolm Reynolds

It's got lots of bits that I love - smart, witty dialogue, good special effects, some sweet action scenes, a brooding captain, strong female characters, spaceships, sexual tension. Even after a few episodes I felt like I knew them. I got totally obsessed with their world - I think because the show did such a good job of creating this universe and populating it with such interesting characters. If anything, I wanted most to find out more about Shepherd Book, a man who appeared to be a preacher but evidence pointed to something else.

It's the kind of show where you feel like there are worlds beyond the edges of the camera frame. It's so tangible that you could poke it. It's all in the details - the dialogue is sprinkled with Chinese phrases and alternate slang words, the costumes look like a cross between Young Guns and Oliver Twist, and the scenes on the ship have this grungy, lived in feel. And there is no wooshing sound when the ship passes by BECAUSE THERE IS NO SOUND IN A VACUUM.

It's also billed as a Western, which in the past I haven't been fond of, but the genre's really grown on me. In the past I sort of assumed that Westerns were just hokey period action films with very little substance and ridiculous stereotypes. But recently I watched the Big Country, Stagecoach, Jeremiah Johnson and the Magnificent Seven and they really got me asking why I've been so against watching them. They're so much more nuanced than I thought, with main characters facing Big Moral Dilemmas while traversing the hinterlands. They also have that "larger than the camera frame" feel that I love so much. And you can totally see the influence that those movies have had on shows like Firefly.

Gregory Peck in The Big Country

Firefly was canceled barely after a season on the air back in 2002, and now I'm left with a big fat hole in my life again. I'll never find out Shepherd Book's past nor if Mal and Inara ever get together. I'm a loser for letting eight years pass before I actually got to watch it but a nerd for liking it so much.

And just because I'm admitting that I enjoy Westerns, please do not tell me under any circumstances to fill it with Walker, Texas Ranger.

Pfeffernüsse

2009-12-06T23:24:04Z

I was tired of sugar cookies and decided to try something different this year for the holidays. They came out pretty well, I wish I had been able to find regular molasses rather than blackstrap molasses - then I think the flavor of the spices would have come out a little more. They're not that difficult to make - just a lot of waiting. I suggest making the dough the night before and baking them in the morning, or vice versa.

The recipe from the Gourmet (R.I.P.) Cookbook after the jump!

]]> Makes about 11 dozen cookies
active time: 2 hours
start to finish: 14 hours (includes chilling and standing time)

For Cookies:
1/2 stick (4 tablespoons) unsalted butter, softened
1/4 cup margarine, softened
3/4 cup packed light brown sugar
1 large egg
1/2 cup molasses (NOT robust or blackstrap - this is important!)
3 cups sifted all purpose flour
3/4 teaspoon salt
1 1/2 teaspoons anise seeds
1/4 teaspoon ground cloves
1/4 teaspoon freshly grated nutmeg
3/4 teaspoon baking soda
2 teaspoons hot water

For Coating:
1 cup granulated sugar
1/2 cup water
2 cups confectioners' sugar

Make the Cookies:
Beat together butter and margarine in a large bowl with an electric mixer at medium speed until smooth and creamy. Beat in brown sugar, egg, and molasses. Whisk together 1 1/2 cups flour, salt, and spices in a medium bowl, then beat into molasses mixture. Dissolve baking soda in hot water, then beat into batter. Beat in remaining 1 1/2 cups flour until incorporated. Refrigerate dough, wrapped in plastic wrap, for at least 8 hours.

Put racks in upper and lower thirds of the oven and preheat oven to 350 degrees F. Butter two large baking sheets.

Roll level teaspoons of dough into balls and arrange about 1 1/2 inches apart on buttered baking sheets. Bake, switching position of sheets halfway through baking, until puffed and just set in the center, 10 to 14 minutes total. Transfer cookies to racks to cool.

Make the coating:
Combine granulated sugar and water in a 1-quart saucepan and bring to a boil, stirring until sugar is dissolved. Cool syrup completely.

Transfer syrup to a shallow bowl. Place sheets of wax paper under racks of cookies. Dip cooled cookies one at a time in syrup to coat and return to racks to drain. Let stand at room temperature for 2 hours.

Sift confectioners' sugar into a paper bag. Shake a few cookies at a time in bag to coat, then lightly brush off excess sugar with your fingers.

Soundtrack 2009

2009-11-28T05:28:45Z

Looking back on the past year, there are a couple of bands and albums that stood out as my soundtrack for 2009 - they were on heavy rotation on my iPod and I couldn't get them out of my head. In no particular order:

Quantic and his Combo Barbaro: totally great mixture of Latin, African and Middle Eastern sounds. I wish I could be driving in a convertible down the beach on a summer evening with this on my stereo.
Bruce Springsteen, Nebraska: I know this album is more than 20 years old, but I recently downloaded it and made me realize that I don't hate Bruce. In fact, this album is totally stark and moving and unlike anything that I had associated Bruce with. Thanks eMusic.
Under the Covers: A two disc covers album with Matthew Sweet and Susanna Hoffs, lead singer of the Bangles. Some of the covers are pretty straightforward, but I love Susanna Hoffs' voice and I can't get enough of it.
Metric: This was Metric's year. "Help I'm Alive" was an earworm for me for almost a month straight. I blame it on @djacobs.
Cut Copy: Poppy electro disco perfection.
The Pains of Being Pure at Heart: I think this was in every hipster's playlist at some point this year. But there's a reason why! Twee, endearing vocals, with a sugary pop coating.
Darker Than Blue: Soul From Jamdown 1973-1980: I was never a huge reggae fan but this album has made me change my mind - the music on here is deep, powerful and yes, dark.
Neko Case: Because she's brilliant and I always need my dose of countrified alt rock.
Thao: This album recently made it into heavy rotation - I constantly download female singer/songwriter type music with high expectations but often they blur together. Thao has a really unique sound that just grabs your heart and makes her stand out from the rest.

I think that Lady Gaga also deserves a mention even though I have been resisting her for months - Bad Romance has been stuck in my head for days now. Damn her wily charms!

Thankful

2009-11-26T18:08:50Z

The older I get, the more nostalgic I become for the holiday season. There's something different about this time of year, when you think more about family, reflect on the past seasons, and enjoy the last fading colors of autumn (at least in New York). I have a love/hate relationship with the retailers, they definitely bring out the Christmas stuff too early these days but it puts me in the mood for hot cocoa, curling up on the couch and making tree ornaments.

So in celebration I've dug up some old family photos that I'm going to post over the next few days over in Seen - not necessarily of the holidays, but pictures that bring up that sense of reflection and remembrance that is so prevalent during this time.

A Better World by Design

2009-10-06T02:52:31Z

Inspired and impressed. This past weekend, I attended the Better World by Design conference in Providence, RI. It's "an immersive experience that deepens our understanding of the power of design, technology, and enterprise to reshape our communities and sustain our environment" - which is exactly the thing I'm interested in. A number of themes and principles really resonated with me, especially the focus on addressing systems, ethnography and user-centered research, collaboration, and multidisciplinary methodology. I'm always trying to clarify my view and approach to the design process, and hearing multiple points of view this past weekend has gotten the wheels turning about what I can do better.

The thing that we often forget as designers is the fact that everyone has the skill and capacity to design. It's not something that should be put on a pedestal, and that true collaboration is needed to make the work successful. Project after project demonstrated the power of working WITH the user, from the fetal heart rate monitor that won the INDEX: award to the murals India to the redesigned hippo roller from Project H. Designers should work with their clients/constituents/users and listen closely to what they need.

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In addition, I've been noticing more and more that contemporary art and design practice are converging. Perhaps the differentiator lies in art addressing the metaphorical/poetic/emotional level and design focusing on the practicalities. Sometimes I forget that the double perspective of artist and designer are actually not very far apart, and I even need to stop separating the two.

Relaunch, of a sorts

2009-09-07T13:27:40Z

So, what, it's been a year since I promised an overhaul of my site? It's finally here! I got a kick in the pants to finish up my templates and launch the site because the inaction was preventing me from producing any content. Part of what I had to overcome was seeing this site as a finished product and rather as a work in progress - so please excuse the funny looking search pages. I'm really happy about finally putting this up, dusting off the corners, and adding a whole bunch of new ways for me to consolidate my thoughts.

I approached the redesign from analyzing how I create content; I've never been a regular blog writer in the sense that I was dedicated enough to write every day. I tend to write epic blog posts every once in a while, but I had to admit that it wasn't something that I always enjoyed doing and that I had to feel "inspired" to reach the point of enjoying it - but not that I wanted to cut that out entirely. So those epic blog posts are still around under "Written", and may even have not-so-epic blog posts/rants in the future. But I knew that I had to figure out the other ways that I create content beyond what I consider straight "blog writing".

]]> So I thought about it and I realized that I collect images. I take so many photos, I'm constantly looking for inspiration visually and I needed one place to gather it all together. I also wanted to set up a daily practice for myself, by choosing an image that felt appropriate in the moment and figuring out why. So this has evolved into the "Seen" section - the format is definitely inspired by sites like The Big Picture, The Sartorialist and ffffound, but it may morph into something else entirely as I continue this daily practice.

Another thing that I've been wanting to do forever was create a place where I could document my food experiences, mainly at restaurants, to share with others. I had created a map a long time ago on CommunityWalk, but it isn't flexible enough in terms of slicing and dicing the content, and besides the fact that I am not able to export any data out of the system, which irritates me to no end. So in the next few weeks I'll be copying and pasting all of that data out of the system back into my own site at "Eaten", and it'll be a great resource when anyone asks me where they should go for italian food.

I also needed a space for posting about art and design projects I have in progress or have completed. It's going to be more free form, a mixture of text and photos, and be both a documentation within the process of creating but then also cleaning it up into a coherent, discrete project. This will become the "Made" section, which is still in the works.

I also wanted the challenge of creating a site completely from scratch and trying out front end development techniques that I hadn't before - like using sIFR for titles and jquery for various user interactions. And if I can use this site as an experiment and let it evolve over time I can continue to try out newer methods (Typekit please!) and incorporate it into my everyday design practice. And it doesn't hurt to work on my MT templating skillz as well.

And lastly I knew that I wanted to tie in all of the "social" sites that I participate in already on the web, but in a way that made contextual sense rather than just throwing up a bunch of "actions". So bit by bit I'm finding ways to syndicate that content around the site that's appropriate to what I'm trying to do.

So take a look around and tell me what you think!

The Rain

2009-03-29T15:32:26Z

Isn't going to get me down today. In fact, it's another kick in the butt to get all of our seeds sown indoors so that we'll be ready to go once the weather really gets nice. This year we're going for tomatoes, cucumbers, peas, beans, lettuce, and even some flowers. We learned a lot last year about where to plant things, but the fallen tree will present some new challenges. Looking forward to spring!

"Holiday" Party 2008

2009-03-13T00:13:15Z

IMG_0383, originally uploaded by ambienttraffic.

well, it happened in March 2009.

Thanks so much to Danny, Ethan and the crew at Hecho en Dumbo for a fabulous party!

Thanksgiving

2008-11-28T22:36:19Z

The spread!, originally uploaded by ambienttraffic.

A very nice day - with family, Mariokart, and LOTS of food.

Five months in one post!

2008-10-06T01:39:33Z

Geez I haven't posted anything since May. Almost five months!! I've been too busy working on other people's blogs to even write anything on my own blog. So sad.

Stuff I've been involved with/have done in those past five months:

participated in Meaning Cleaning
am playing with Typepad's iPhone app
Made cool web sites - one for a friend and lots at work
Visited Crater Lake and Portland and hung out with some peeps
Did beach training with others at Seido
Drove up to Cold Spring with Stepha and a rented Mini
Cooked lots of yummy food and am part of the Bed-Stuy CSA
Attended two very lovely weddings - this one and this one
participated in a show at Gallery Aferro
Visited San Fran and friends!
attended Wordcamp NY
Made more paintings which I haven't posted yet...boo

Phew! What a list! Maybe it would be helpful next time to actually write a post when these things actually happen.

The Takeaway

2008-05-16T11:55:28Z

The Takeaway is a new morning news program that debuted on WNYC about three weeks ago. I've been holding back my opinion to give the show a chance to get into its groove; unfortunately the show has not lived up to my expectations, and I've switched my radio alarm to CBS FM for now (fun music but the DJ and commercials are supremely annoying). I guess it doesn't help either that it's spring fundraising time for public radio and they've seriously damaged my confidence in them.

The reason why I listen to NPR is that the news is presented in a calm, measured and thoughtful manner. In interview segments, the interviewer gives the interviewee plenty of time to state his or her case. Most of the time the line of questioning makes logical sense and the interview feels like it has a beginning, middle and end. The interviewer isn't doing most of the talking, the interviewee is. To me, this is the hallmark of NPR's style and why I choose to listen to WNYC and not talk radio in the morning. NPR also has a knack for bringing stories to the radio (both local and national) that don't necessarily make it onto most people's radar, and I very much appreciate that as well.

The Takeaway seems like the exact opposite to these qualities. The segments are ultra short, so short that the hosts are perpetually cutting off the interviewees in mid-sentence. It feels rather rude and amateurish. I don't really get a sense of the issue they're discussing either way, because it seems like the hosts are just trying to create quick, quotable sound bites that sound cool but don't actually mean anything. They aren't facilitating any kind of discussion in a serious way, they just seem to be following a script and ask the question, regardless of whether or not it had anything to do with the response. When they do go off-script, it's pretty obvious because the questions are so awkward that the interviewee doesn't even know how to respond to it. And asking the audience such inane questions as "What's on your personal endangered list?" seems so patronizing.

One example that stood out was a discussion about Grand Theft Auto. Both hosts had only contempt for the game, you can hear it in their voices and the questions that they ask. Have either of them even played GTA? I personally have not, but I expect a more evenhanded approach to it. All I got from the segment is that Grand Theft Auto is "evil" and "violent", a typical knee jerk reaction. Contrast this with the the discussion of GTA on "On the Media", where Brooke Gladstone is "playing" the game. It was such a different approach, it wasn't about buzzwords, it was about discussing research on games like GTA and if it had any measurable effect on children, and creating a historical context for violence in popular culture. The segment was careful in not taking one side or another in promoting or condemning the game, which to me is one of NPR's strengths.

The only thing that I can give them kudos for are having a decent website, and trying to incorporate that more into the radio show. Why not facilitate an actual, real-life discussion instead of just spewing sound bites? Judging by the 200-plus comments on this post, many people feel the same way I do, perhaps with some more vitriol. Let me give some suggestions instead of just bitching about it.

Make the segments longer. You don't need to fit in every topic under the sun. I'm not saying just focus on one topic per hour like Brian Lehrer or Leonard Lopate, but maybe pick 4 and really delve into them. You're on every morning of the week, so why are you in such a hurry?
Get more than one person with a different point of view on the issue. It seems like they bring in one person who is an "expert" and end up chatting with him or her for about two and a half minutes before cutting them off.
The music is really irritating. You totally ripped off a Depeche Mode song from the Ultra album. I love me some Depeche Mode but not at 6 in the morning.
Try listening to the people you're interviewing. Instead of talking over them, really listen and respond to what they're saying. This is key in facilitating discourse.
Why not do some more research into talking about topics that aren't on the front page of the NY Times?
One more thing: put the comments on the same page as your post. Separating the comments out onto another page just gives more of an impression that you are not facilitating a dialogue and just relegating people's comments to the wayside.

I even tried giving the Takeaway another chance. This morning I was lying in bed listening to the show and completely cringing at the lame banter between John Hockenberry and Adaora Udoji. Listen, it's not funny. Wait, Wait Don't Tell Me is funny. And that's fine for Sunday morning. But this is the weekday, I want my news. I don't want the opinion of some lame radio host injected into my news. There are about a hundred other radio stations that do that. Please take the advice of your listeners, WNYC. The Takeaway doesn't need to be a clone of Morning Edition, but consider why people listen to public radio. You talk about it all the time during your spring fundraisers, why can't you take your own advice?

Alternative Food Systems

2008-05-14T18:19:22Z

It's a gorgeous day, everything just feels so bright. It was so nice to be back into the warm-weather-pattern-of-doing-things, i.e., stopping by the farmers' market at Union Square this morning to do some grocery shopping. I hadn't been going much for the winter, there's only so many potatoes and apples one can eat. I picked up some gorgeous asparagus, tatsoy, eggs, pork chops, ground turkey, fresh baby garlic, radishes, yogurt...I'm getting hungry just thinking about all this food! But seriously. Since we moved to New York, I've been thinking a lot about food systems and how one's buying habits can support one system or another. There are so many things that we don't think about when we go to the corner deli to buy lunch, or go to the supermarket to pick up a pineapple or a steak, or eat dinner at the cafe on the corner - where the food is coming from, the process through which it went through to end up in your hands, the people whose effort it took to bring it to you.

I've been trying different strategies to support the food systems I care about. In Manhattan, it seems like you can get almost anything you want, whenever you want, provided you have the money to pay for it. In Bedford-Stuyvesant, it's a little different. Bodegas make up the bulk of places to buy food in our neighborhood. They stock items like milk and eggs, but carry mostly industrially processed, prepackaged foods beyond basic dairy items. They don't have much in the way of fresh fruit or vegetables - if I do find an onion it's usually sprouted!

It seems like this issue is picking up some momentum and public exposure because of the increase in food prices across the board - people are wondering, why has the price of flour jumped 100%? Buying groceries shouldn't be a luxury. I hope that I can do my best to stick to buying and shopping at places that are concerned with where the food is coming from.

Spring is here! Your footwear is on notice.

2008-05-05T21:42:16Z

The weather has finally turned springlike in New York in past few weeks and I can't wait to spend more time outdoors. But as I've been roaming the streets, I've been forced to notice the horrible, horrible footwear choices of so many New Yorkers. What so many people don't understand is that what looks good on a model or what may be trendy looks completely horrible on you.

Everyone knows the UGGs example. Those boots make any girl look like the abominable snowman. I still don't understand how this trend hasn't died yet. Perhaps it's because of the hordes of tourists from other places other than New York that invade Soho, and the styles they wear are about three years behind in the rest of the country. Don't get me wrong, I am not dissing middle America, but everyone knew that UGGs are horrible looking, why continue the trend? I can't wait until UGG fanatics look at photos of themselves in five years, and think, "God, what was I thinking? I looked like a total tool!" Sort of like anyone who grew up in the 80s and wore a side ponytail.

So here are my top five rules on spring footwear. Well, footwear in general.

Do not, under any circumstances, wear those flat boots without heels and tuck your jeans in to said boots. Unless you wear a size -1. Otherwise your legs will just look like tree stumps. Just because some chick in that Urban Outfitters catalog you received last week can pull it off doesn't mean you can!
Do not wear leggings with ballet flats. Your legs will STILL look like tree stumps. And for godssakes, pick up your feet when you walk, that shuffling duck walk is so unappealing.
Do not wear those really really flat sandals or flip flops. YOU ARE NOT AT THE BEACH. And again, did you realize you walk like a duck?
Men: do not wear flip flops. Especially you jocks with those black Adidas sandals. What the hell? If you have ugly, uncared-for feet, I don't want to see them. If your girlfriend doesn't want to see your feet, neither do we. At least trim your toenails and get rid of that fungus if you're going to show us your toes. (addendum: if you have a nice pair of leather sandals, go for it. it's just the OP-surfer-dude-crappy sandals that I can't stand.)
extra super pointy shoes. Don't do it. Do you really want to look like a medieval court jester? Because that's exactly what you look like.
sorry, one more rule: don't wear Crocs. You're not Mario Batali. And what's up with the holes? Are those shoes really going to protect you when you spill a bucket of hot grease on them?

Banning UGG boots goes without saying. Besides, has anyone poked their head out the window lately? Guess what, it's spring and I don't see any snow, do you?

Next fashion topic: wearing leggings without a skirt. Banned? Discuss.